What is Best in Life?
- Byerley
- Sep 9, 2019
- 2 min read
When comparing great teams, football writers often stray into the realms of philosophy. Think of Klopp’s ‘Heavy Metal’ football, Cruyff’s ‘Total Football’, Guardiola’s ‘Tiki-taka’ revolution at Barcelona.
However, no one has adequately captured the philosophy behind Milner Street’s unstoppable rise through the PowerLeague. Strenuous debate was sparked earlier in the season after a string of unsavoury confrontations and vicious fouls from Bryson and Beech. Was this confirmation that the team were devotees of Yorkshire Existentialism, a school of thought best summarized by leading philosopher Jamie Vardy in his seminal work, ‘Chat Sh*t, Get Banged’? Or were they followers of the great Austrian thinker Schwarzenegger, author of the bestselling ‘If it Bleeds, We Can Kill It’?
But there is more to Milner Street than brutal defending and a penchant for blue WKD. They now have a deeper understanding, an almost mystical transcendence. How does Freddie know to run to the corner for a long ball when Beech collects it from the goalie? Just how do JJ and Grew co-ordinate their one-twos? Why does everyone celebrate before JGal hits it, as if a goal is pre-ordained? How does everyone seem to know the ball is going over the bar when JB takes a shot?
Monday night was the apogee of their new philosophy, a demolition job with the digger barely out of first gear. Some anonymous team turned up, and got battered 8-2. JJ strolled around like another Iniesta, the dome of his head sparkling under the lights as he doled out assists. Gallagher ran riot, scoring four. Grew and Neville played as if there were no opponents, effortlessly controlling midfield. Big Fred deigned only to smash in beautiful goals from improbable angles, barely concerning himself with the defenders toiling in his wake. I could go on, but it would be wasted. The gulf in class was so large it can only be summarized thus: Beech scored two.
I mean, how do you adequately describe the kind of football the boys are playing? Certainly the opposing goalie tried: the Vauxhall air turned blue as the enraged keeper berated his team. But the criticism was unfounded. There is no shame in getting railed by the best team in the league.
Perhaps Gallagher captured it best in his post-match press conference. What is best in life, James? ‘To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their goalkeeper.’
There we have it. Milner Street’s philosophy for the ages. The Men in White march on. Look out Division 1. It’s showtime.
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