Gentlemen Destroy Blondes

To slightly paraphrase Marilyn Monroe in ‘Gentlemen Prefer Blondes’: ‘Don't you know that a man being good at football is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?’

Last Monday was Milner Street vs Heel of Guti, or, more properly, Milner Street vs The Blonde, a talent who has punched a ragged hole in teams up and down the Powerleague. The last time he played, the Blonde single-handedly took Milner to the cleaners (although Beech maintains Milner would have won had he been playing).

But this week was different. The Blonde was injured, and was forced to play in goal, leaving his hapless team mates to contend with the Big White Machine.

Despite Milner’s ferocity, Guti made early breakthroughs. After being forced to re-take corner by Gallagher (rolling balls are not in the letter or spirit of the rules), they took the lead when Gal then failed to close down the man. His dodging of DOD later in the Black Prince was nothing short of miraculous.

But as the game went on, Milner Street tightened up. Defending is the rock on which this team is built and, a la Marilyn’s suggestion, the reason why 66% of the squad are in happy, fulfilling relationships. Being good at football does help. According to Bea, Beurre, Rozi and Jesse (although not Jessie), discipline and dominance in defence is hot. Especially when it prevents Guti from playing their possession-based game.

The Big White Machine then hit back, through a smart Gallagher strike, and a battle royale ensued, with both teams trading strikes. The Artist Formerly Known as Fred chipped in his obligatory goals, exploiting the space created by the selfless running of JJ and Bisley.

At 5-4 however, the game was still in the balance. Heroic goalkeeping from the Blonde in goal prevented Milner from running away with the match. With time running out, Guti were pressing hard but were dispossessed by Gallagher. Setting up a swift counter-attack, he surged forward. Sadly for the Blonde, the Marilyn comparison continued. Legs akimbo as Freddie slotted home, he was helpless to prevent Milner Street claiming the three points.

The lads remain top of the league. We can now confirm that Milner gentlemen do prefer Blondes. Although not Fred. We wouldn’t want him to break Jesse’s heart.